DarkSmoke001

Ref: DarkSmoke

Isle of DarkSmoke PBIRC

Green is RussellH, referring and doing the bit parts

Blue is PaulS, playing BlartHammerhead

Red is DaveF, playing RavinSmokehand

Black is SimonE?, playing ProngfordSaucehold

The Wicked Shores

Midmorning of the Day of Exotic Fish

[Darksmoke] The sky is clear and the Sun bejewels the waves gently curling onto the beautiful white beach. Gulls and other sea-birds wheel and turn high overhead. There is a Galley from Mothelos in the natural harbour, but no one is visible on deck. Children play in the surf and on the sand amongst the coconut trees.

[Darksmoke] You have travelled by ship from Kord and pulled into the dock at the Isle of Darksmoke. The journey took two weeks and was calm and tranquil, the only excitement being the challenging negotiation of the reef nearly totally encircling the Isle of Darksmoke. Now teamsters shout and sailors and land-men alike shoulder bales and sacks and barrels, loading them into wagons and carts.

[Darksmoke] A dirt road leaves the stone docks and climbs up to the jungle edge before plunging in. Above the tree-line you see clearly the imposing dome of Darksmoke Mountain that had been the only feature of the island visible as you approached today.

[Darksmoke] There is a single sign ‘Nameless Village” with an arrow pointing to the dirt road.

Blart breathes the ait of the land in through his enlongated nostrils

[Blart] Ravin my friend! here is land at last.......

Blart looks down at his companion

[Blart] Hmm?

Blart notices a old human with bad teeth standing close at hand

[Labourer] Aye? And what the feck d'ye think you're lookin' at then eh?

Labourer muscles up a huge barrel and staggers towards the nearest cart.

Blart raises his one long eyebrow

Blart struts down the gangplank dragging the sleeping Ravin with him

Blart lays the sleeping warrior on a mound of drying fish

[Labourer] Poncy half caste mongrel pixies......

Labourer mutters to himself

Ravin Snozzzzzzor

Blart looks about

Ravin wakes, " ...... Don't presss ..... "

[Blart] are you my fine moronic addressing my companion?

Blart glances quickly at his "buddy"

Ravin he gets up looks around, "It looks like we are there, just starting to get sleep on this tub"

Blart inserts a cod fish still alive in his breeches

Blart quickly drops the codfish

[Blart] ah!! yes yes indeed old "buddy "of mine Ravin

Labourer wanders off with some speed1

Labourer wanders off with some speed!

Ravin notices the fish suddenly drop though barts trowsers and thinks he should chew more.

[Ravin] I see we have arrived, is a bar

[Ravin] s/is a bar/is there a bar/

[Darksmoke] All that is here is a stone dock and a path up which some of the carts are beginning their ascent.

Blart sighs

[Darksmoke] Its HOT and sweaty work watching these Labourers.

[Blart] No..no..alsa there is no bar..Ravin old chum

[Blart] perhaps one ofthese morons will help us?

Blart points to the sweating oafs

[Bigfella] Uh what?

[Blart] You menial working fellow ! come here but not too close

Bigfella lurches closer

[Bigfella] What ye want ye feckin prissy maggot?

Ravin looks at Blart, "Tell me again WHY did we come here!"

Blart runs a dental instrument aroung his nose hairs

[Blart] That my fine fellow is a splendid question

Blart looks at the oaf

[Blart] as for you .......

Blart looks menanacing

[Bigfella] yah?

Bigfella hold up his hands

[Bigfella] eh. no feckin' 'ffense guvner!

[Blart] do you know teeth decay can cripple a man by the time he reaches 20 years?

[Bigfella] Jes' a feckin' manner uh speakin' is all!

[Bigfella] fer feck's sake!

Blart waves a dental tool in the air

[Bigfella] I uh, ah...

Bigfella cups his hand over his mouth

[Blart] Ravin ? dispose of him please

[Bigfella] Whuh?

[Ravin] Come lets get out of this, <mumble> place

[Ravin] Don't mind him, he likes to use strange words

Blart nods

Blart follows Ravin with his mincing prancing gait

[Blart] Look!! a sign!

Bigfella watches them go, muttering and trying to see his teeth in the reflection of his knife...

Blart points the sign which says "nameless village"

[Darksmoke] 'To Ye Nameless Village" --->

[Blart] ahhhhhhhh.......what does it mean Ravin?

[Ravin] It must be a realy realy crap place if even the locals could not name it

[Darksmoke] Anyhow... Our heroes mooch off towards the village, coughing and asputtering in the dust left by the passing wagons and carts.

[Blart] Ah I see......

Ravin turns full 360 looking for another sign or path, to somewhere, anywhere

[Darksmoke] T HE N A M E L E S S V I L L A G E

Blart arrives

[Blart] what are you doing Ravin ?

[Darksmoke] A beautiful little place full of happy, playful children and surrounded by dense, viperous jungle on all sides. there is a crystal clear stream and a cluster of buildings. Strangely, most seem to be businesses rather than residences, and most sport signs out front.

Blart points to the huge dotted line leading to the village on the ground

[Blart] This way!

[Darksmoke] The largest building is "The Taversn of Seven Curses"

[Ravin] Nope it's the only place to go. Dam was hoping for a sign to "Ye Happy and Warm Inn with Goode Ales and Foode" but it seams not. Get your skipping feet on my orally challenged friend it might be a walk.

[Blart] But we are already here and look a fine tavern

Blart points

[Blart] see..!

Blart says smugly

[Ravin] Look no soon do I ask and there is one. There is a God or Gods. I love them all

[Blart] SEven curses? mmmm why not more ?

[Darksmoke] The children stay clear. Normally they would come to play with newcomers to the Village, but noone likes dentists

Blart raises his hand to the gods also

[Blart] yes the great god see's all Ravin

Blart points at the dotted line on the floor leading to the tavern

[Blart] this must be the way then? eh!

Blart notices the children have really rotten teeth and smiles evilly

Ravin follows the line and wonders how it got there, lost drunks may be.

Blart thinks the same

[Blart] a drink perhaps young Ravin?

Blart prancing down the hill his dental tools jangling , waving nice hard candy at the children hiding in the houses

[Ravin] only if you insist

[Blart] come out preety human children ..free candy!!

[Blart] Of course I insist Ravin .....really sometimes I think that helmet is really your skull

[Ravin] Leave them aone you know want happened to Jack Micheanson

[Darksmoke] Needless to say, the children scurrry. Blart earns a few hostile glances from parents in the village.

Blart pouts his elven lips

[Blart] Very well Ravin ..a wise caution

Ravin looks to check if Blarts skin is nateral

Blart skin is very white and his nose long and thin...toothin

[Prongford] Greetings Gentlemen! Prongford Saucehold at your service!

Blart gasps

Blart steps quickly behing the hulking Ravin

Blart pokes Ravin

Prongford steps towards the gang.

[Prongford] A fine village, isn't it?

[Blart] he is talking to you

Blart nods and looks around for "the gang"

Ravin looks the chap up and down, you can tell a lot about an innkeep from his apron

[Blart] yesssssssss most pleasing it is

[Prongford] Are you not the famouys Carascara Gang?

Blart jumps

[Blart] Did you tell him Ravin?

Blart pulls a tooth extractor fromhis pocket and rubs his nose with it with an evil cruel look

[Blart] wellllllllll

[Prongford] You may not know me, but I am Prongford, former servant to Sir Arascon the Knave.

Prongford scratches beneath his ill-fitting chain mail

[Ravin] A Knave, well we would not want to upset him

[Prongford] Better already!

Blart glances at the stout human

[Ravin] Does he come with a Fork as well

[Prongford] Oh no, you needn't worry, he's dead.

[Blart] DEAD!

[Prongford] A scoundrel, he was, and a knave to boot.

Blart goes a whiter shade of pale

[Prongford] But enough of that, may I join your gang, for your fame has led me here in search of such as you...?

[Blart] Ahhhhhh well alls well that ends well as my squirrelmother used to chipper

Blart looks at Ravin

Ravin looks and sighs, another groupe

[Blart] what do you think Ravin?

[Blart] I need a new asistant after boris was eaten

[Prongford] My pike is at your service - I understand ye be going undaground?

[Blart] Yes we are planning on keeping a low cover so to speak

Prongford picks up a ten-foot pike from behind him

Pookas , a huge fat man with massive rubbery lips and tattoos all over his arms leans out of the Tavern's door.

[Pookas] Well Gentlemen? Is it IN or OUT?

Blart shoves Ravin to the door

[Pookas] "tis bad luck to be hovering on the threshold ye know?

[Blart] IN my goode man

Prongford takes out a banner, black with a white horse rampant, and attaches it to the butt of his pike

Blart motions to Prongford

[Blart] Come new buddy of mine

[Prongford] This way, no-oine will know I am armed.

Prongford winks

Pookas stumbles back a bit away from the elf.

Blart sighs and rolls his purple eys in to his head

Blart uses Ravin as a battering ram to force the door open

[Pookas] Be, uh welcome then, good sirs! Come in and drink! It would be bad luck if ye didnt buy an ale eh?

[Blart] Good boy ! good Ravin ..use the handle ..VERY GOOD!!

Blart to Prongford "a barbarian I'm still house breaking Ravin..." shrugs embrassed

Blart looks at Prongford and pulls his empty pockets out

[Prongford] Shocking, isn't it?

Prongford takes a puch and spills a pile of silver on to the table.

[Blart] Most embraasing ..but I seem to have left my money pouch at home or was it stolen?

[Darksmoke] The interior is a well appointed tavern. Surprisingly full for those unaare of the Nameless village's extensive social and alcoholism problems...

[Blart] Yes yes YES! you can join us mighty Prongford!

Prongford kneels....

Pookas frowns in an alarmed fashion

Ravin looks in and does not cross the threshold before scanning for a trap, he then gingerly checks the weight and waks silently to the bar

[Prongford] It is an honour and a privelege to be inducted to the Carascara Gang. Must I now take the seventeenth pledge of Laraskill?

Pookas sidles away.

Blart looks royaland taps Prongford on his shoulder with the dental tool

[Ravin] Yep get the first round

[Blart] Arise SIR Prongford of the heroes of CaraScara?

Blart nods

[Blart] Yes thats the deal

[Prongford] By the sword of Larskill and the seventeen fleas which reside in the fleece on his back, I hereby swear, on all that is almost holy, that I shall forevermore get the first round, until such time as a new stooge be induced. BARMAN!

Pookas looks up from a barmaid. "So uh you ...gentlemen would like a drink perhaps?"

[Blart] The pledge is usually skipped in lieu of a bar tab.......

[Blart] Yes ...DRINKS ON THE HOUSE!!!

Prongford stands up, absolutely beaming.

Blart smiles cruelly at Prongford

[Darksmoke] The bar erupts into joyful uproar!

[Blart] He's paying ...

Blart points at Prongford

[Darksmoke] Everyone leaps to their feet and there is a clamouring for pokkas' attention at the bar!

Pookas says from ehind a wall of thirsty chronic drinkers "Aye, thankye sirs! I will run a tab!"

[Ravin] Mined a large Dinner Ale please

[Blart] Ravin perhaps we can grillthe bartender for ..you know ..information ..rumours ...clues etc

Pookas is rushing like a madman to pour drink after drink

[Blart] Chilled goats fermented goats bllod for me

Ravin looks for the traditional slimmy sort that will be the local tealeaf

Blart nods and eyes the bar

Prongford nods towards the hooded figure sat in the corner furthest from the fire....

[Blart] I thinks its the barkeeper actaully

Pookas is very busy, he doesnt notice your orders!

Blart jerks his head around

[Blart] Mmmmmmmmmmm

[Ravin] We don't normally cook the barman here, its a tradition Blart

[Blart] One of those strngers from the north no doubt

[Blart] Oh I see...mmmmmm

[Prongford] That's one of them Strangers.....

Hooded-one is muttering to himself

[Blart] Yes....why is wearing a eye mask? and silver bullets at his waist?

[Prongford] Goes by the name of Chider I believe.

[Blart] pearl handled swords !!! by gad

[Prongford] Chider the Stranger. They say he talks to the elves....

[Blart] CHider? I have ..............not heard of him

Blart sneers ....

[Ravin] Don't we all

[Prongford] ...and they say he is to be king of all these lands....

[Blart] I AM an elf young human

[Prongford] Well then perhaps you would know?

Blart pokes his two tongues out to make a point

[Hooded-one] "When the wizard speaks his name, strike while ye can, t'willn't be in vain"

[Prongford] ...once he has persuaded an elf to become mortal and then abandoned her for a saucy wench on a horse.

[Ravin] and don't we here about it all the time .... back in the great wood the trees where tall and the leaves where greener .... etc etc .... good god where is my Ale

Hooded-one is wild eyed, one eye completely black, the other completely blue.

[Blart] wellll.......people usually say many things under treatment.....last time the liitle fellowsaid "shire and baggins.."

[Blart] doesn't mean anything

[Hooded-one] "When the wizard speaks his name, strike while ye can, t'willn't be in vain"

Blart shrugs

Hooded-one starts shouting the words and thumping the table in cadence with the rhythm.

[Prongford] And where would we find the wizard, oh Chider who would be king?

Blart looks at Prongford and Ravin puzzled

[Ravin] He seams to be repeating that line or was it in my head, did some one double tap his avatar?

[Prongford] Friend Chider, let me buy you an ale...

[Blart] Is ita local drinking song perhaps?

[Hooded-one] "WHEN THE WIZARD SPEAKS HIS NAME, STRIKE WHILE YE CAN, T"WILLNT BE IN VAIN"

Blart nods greasily

[Blart] Yes We heard you the first oh loud one

[Prongford] I seek the Pit of the Pyramidal Door, for there is mighty treasure to be had, know you of it sir?

Blart listens toRavins wise words and nods

Ravin walks over and attempts to pick the pocket of Hooded-one whilst helping to care down, "here drink this sir"

Prongford winks to the Gang

Blart trips the barmaid as she goes by out of pure spite

Blart winks back

Hooded-one strikes the table: BANG BANG BANBANG BANG BANG BANG, BANG BANG BANGBANG, BANBANGBANG BANG BANG BANG

Blart ducks to avoid the flying glass

[Blart] Morse code anyone?

Ravin nothing in inner pockets .....

Blart taps his wine glass gently.......

[Ravin] Sir please sit down, you will hurt yourself .....l

[Blart] Ping PING PING :::PING :::TING TING::PING

Ravin hand attempts to remove his purse

Hooded-one suddenly falls away from the club the proprietor has applied gently to his head.

Blart helps the begraggled barmaid to her feet

Blart growls "someone tripped you my pretty ..why the scum!! we'll find who ever it was my lady"

[Pookas] nevermind him gents, he always responds well to the calmative

Pookas hafts his club

Blart sits

Ravin quickly hides the purse that seams to comeaway as he falls

[Blart] Be sitted good sir Pookas

Pookas calls a girl over with a tray of Ale.

[Pookas] Put those down, Lassie!

Blart introduces the others "Prongford the bold ,Ravin the hasty ,and I am prince Blart The Erthyuiioosnh"

Ravin rejoins the others

[Pookas] Hello Gents!

[Pookas] I am Pookas the Accursed!

Pookas smiles broadly

[Prongford] Greetings Pookas the Interesting.

[Pookas] I am, alas, dying of a foul curse!

Blart smiles slimely

Pookas frowns a little.

Blart moves his chair fyrther away

[Blart] ReallY??

[Prongford] Tut tut, those witches of the Black Glen, always doing that, hey?

[Ravin] Will birds drop from the sky and kill you?

Pookas shakes his head

[Pookas] No, 'twas that fecund Darksmoke!

Blart nods ..Ravin and he have send that happen before

[Pookas] My livelihood and my curser!

Blart puts his white dentist mask on

[Blart] oh yes (muffled)

[Pookas] here, have some Ale!

[Prongford] Pookas, if we cross your palm with silver, will you tell us more?

Pookas distributes mugs, carefully taking a cup of wine for himself.

Blart leans in to hear

Ravin under his breath "if we cross it with gold will he leave"

Blart hums to himself

Pookas holds his hand up "No need for more silver good sirs! Your bill will be more than enough to encourage a tale from me!"

[Blart] Now Ravin ..don't be harsh

[Prongford] I am all ears, sir Pookas

Blart grins behind his mask and leers at the soon to be poor Prongford

[Ravin] Please sir, regalus with you tale, does it have something todo with a Witch by chance?

Pookas nods to Prongford "My children thank ye sir!"

Blart flicks his pointy ears to indict like wise

Ravin thinks, I was just starting to enjoy this ale. Attual I never got the chance did I, now that is a curse!

[Pookas] Well, I expect youd be more interested in the Dome, wouldnt ye?

[Blart] yopu children ?the ones with bad teeth?

Blart leans very close licking his lips

[Prongford] The Dome, yes! For that is where the Pit of the Pyramidal Door is to be found, yes?

Pookas leans away from the intense elf, turning to answer Prongford...

[Blart] The pit?.......

[Pookas] Uh

[Blart] pits..holes..cavities?

[Pookas] Well, I know its a foul place, filled with Darksmoke's toys and traps

[Blart] I like the sound of that ..when do we leave?

[Pookas] He has all manner of strange creatures in there. I was mad enough to go in once

[Blart] I don't like the sound of that ..when do we leave the island?

[Pookas] T'was how I was cursed ye see!

[Blart] CURSED???!!

Blart shudders

[Pookas] Aye, I was

[Pookas] He turned me into a newt!

Blart gasps

Blart frowns though

[Prongford] KEN!

[Blart] ......

Pookas nods

Ravin looks at the non-newt with some increduality

[Pookas] yes

[Prongford] But you....you were cured, or not?

[Pookas] uh, no, why do you say that?

Pookas lookks directly into Prongford's eyes.

Blart glances at the others and makes twirling motions by his head

[Pookas] Well, I have learned how to adapt, you know

[Pookas] A little make up and dressing right.... you can hardly tell!

[Prongford] Would you like some water?

Blart shudders and makes a warding sign

Pookas shakes his head

[Prongford] If you like, I can attempt the Spell of Reconstitution...?

[Pookas] No, I have a damp cloth over my gills

[Pookas] Actually there are perks....

[Prongford] In just seven days, I can make you a ma-a-a-a-n

Blart pokes Ravin ...."I hope you are making notes Ravin...."

Pookas looks from side to side

[Ravin] Do do seam to have hidden the gills and webed hands well - you must be a master actor or something

[Pookas] There is the spawning you know!

Pookas smiles ledly

Pookas smiles lewdly

Prongford 's eyes glaze over

[Prongford] Ah yes, that must be good.

Pookas laughs heartily

[Pookas] Oh my WORD!

Blart feels ill...and vomits into his beer mug

Pookas looks surprised

[Pookas] I thought you were gentlemen of the world...?

[Blart] Ravin ...here you drink it for I can not

[Ravin] Ok Ok, tell us the story before my friend get all disgusting

Blart slids the mug to Ravin

[Blart] yes yes the story ...........

[Pookas] Uh, Well....

Pookas tells his story

[Ravin] it seams Blart has started talking the davish

Blart snores softly .........and chitters occasional like a rabid squirrel

[Pookas] [ooc note - you have ONE ANECDOTE with which you will prewarned for any specific even in Darksmoke's Dome - group consensus to utilise it for a "get out of deep trouble free" moment]

[Blart] CHHHHHTTTTTTTTEETTTT............ChiTTTERRRRR?

Pookas has finished his disturbing story and moved off to lubricate gills in privacy.

Blart gibbers...and snores

[Pookas] Most of the bar is filled with stuporose alcoholics of every ilk.

[Darksmoke] Most of the bar is filled with stuporose alcoholics of every ilk.

[Prongford] My friends, I feel it is time to travel to the Pit, now we know of it's dangers...

[Darksmoke] it is 5PM local time

[Darksmoke] it *is* 5PM local time

Blart awakes

[Blart] well I throughlly enjoyed that story......

[Blart] Oiiii Prongford!

Blart pulls his white mask off

[Darksmoke] [OOC All those that drank Pooka's fine Ale now have the choice of one of the following flaws: Ale Goggles 17, Clumsy Drunk 17, Stupid Boozehound 17.]

[Prongford] Yes Bart, how may I help?

[Blart] Thats Blart.....

Blart growls

[Prongford] Sorry, must be the ale, Sir Barf

[Blart] with a L for ........for .for......lickable

Blart reels up from the table

[Blart] Ohhhhhhh aghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Blart knocks his mug of vomit over Ravin

[Blart] Oppsp!!

[Blart] TO THE PIT!!!

[Prongford] Yes, to the Pit!

Blart runs for the door but goes lft into the wall where he clings to a mounted orc head which leers showing horrid teeth

[Blart] OHHHHH they will have to come ouT!

Prongford raises his banner aloft, the fine silken pennant flopping in the lack of wind....

Darksmoke sniggers, from deep within his mountain demense....

Blart rips the head from the wall and hurtles out the front door

[Blart] THE PIT!

Blart head butts the ddor frame and rebounds back

[Blart] oooooohhhhhhhh opppppppppsssssssss

Pookas looks up from a barmaid. "The jakes are out back, Sir..."

[Prongford] Come my friends! To the Pit....

Prongford strides out of the door, so his banner can start to flutter.

Blart aims forthe door

Blart misses and hurls himself though window

[Blart] CRASHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Ravin] Wonders about Blart and then drinks some more

[Blart] COme RavvVIN?!!

Ravin stares at the other end of the room and wonders why it is moving. He then starts to laugh out loud. Har Har Har Har .......

Blart stumbles around outside

[Blart] PRONGHERFORTH where are you?

[Prongford] I'm outside

Blart reels

[Blart] Oh there you are!!

[Blart] we were going tothe pitssssssssss

[Prongford] Come, to the banner!

Blart howls "RavinNNNNNNNN"

Blart holds onto the banner and slids down it

Prongford mounts his fine stallion and waves his banner in the breeze

[Ravin] Har Har, hick, Giggle, Giggle, AND, Har Har Har .....

[Prongford] Careful Blart, there's a sharp bit at the bottom.

[Ravin] He had her hand right up the ..... elephant Roared well you should not .... eat rabbit after ....

Ravin slowly flows of his seat and onto the floor under the table

Blart winces as he slipson the barbs

[Darksmoke] NIGHT FALLS

[Darksmoke] Morning continues relentlessly. Shafts of jagged light spear through your collective eye lids as you trudge the last little way to the base of Darksmoke’s Dome in the midst of the Swirling Jungle. It has been a long walk, and hot. Up ahead the path ends at a pair of massive blue-metal doors set into the rock. A faint jaunty tune can be heard in the air.

[Ravin] CRASHHHH!

[Ravin] turn down that dam elven lute Blart

Prongford prods at the door with his pike

Blart stop playing his elven mouth harp

Blart looks insulted

[Blart] well ReallY?!

Blart huffs

[Blart] what are you doing prongy?

Prongford examines the doors closely

Goblin has stopped playing

[Blart] Yes they are what we elfs call "ejiuoorratan"

[Blart] doors!

Ravin looks at the door, "A standard type S door"

Goblin is perched up on a rock. He has a slight weight problem.

Blart looks up ...

Goblin waves coyly

[Blart] do you smellsomething...?

[Blart] foul...cloying ..

Prongford turns abruptly towards the Goblin and readies his pike staff thing.

[Prongford] Ho Goblin, is that you?

Blart wrinkles his nose

Goblin lifts his flute and blows a loud single note.

[Blart] smells like farts ....

[Ravin] God have the desency to be a fit Goblin, what sort of tomb is this

[Goblin] A thumping crashing noise comes from behing you on the path...

Blart jumps and notices the creature with pearly white sparkling teeth

Prongford turns towards the new sound

Blart jerks around and looks

Ravin spins around and looks at the noise

[Darksmoke] Two huge Ogres are clambering out of the jungle. One is muttering and struggling to disentangle his tusks from a vine.

Blart blows his nose into his hands and rubs them together ready for action

[Darksmoke] They cmly trot up the path. Both have massive clubs full of rusty nails.

[Blart] Ahhhh A dental problem

[Ravin] I will open the door you lot get the Orges

[Darksmoke] They calmly trot up the path. Both have massive clubs full of rusty nails.

Prongford readies his pike, holding it in the Forestill way, that he might turn it full around at a moment's notice

Blart smiles confiendently

Ravin goes and looks for traps at the door

[Blart] Leave this to me

Prongford begins to mutter as he turns his pike around to point the butt at the ogres.

Blart walks yup to the orges

[Blart] Dental tooth problems kind sires?

Blart twirls his vine remover tool

[Goblin] The doors wont open, sirs, without my fee....

[Prongford] And what may your fee be?

Blart leans back and says " I can't help his teeth are in excellent condition...sigh"

[Goblin] and my mates Grevious and Actual are here ta make sure you wont shake me down...

[Blart] SAY AHHHHHHH!!!

Blart inspects the teeth of the orges

Ravin tries to judge how high the Goblin is up

[Blart] yes ..well ,mmmmmm---oh dear!!......tsktsk

[Ravin] It looks traped we are not getting in here in the next minute

[Prongford] And the fee, oh noble denizen of black nether reaches?

Goblin looks down at you from about 12 feet up.

[Goblin] Say uh, 50 bob a piece?

Blart sadly shakes his headat the orges and wanders over to prongy

Blart gasps"OUTRAGEOUS"

[Blart] 1 bob for three

[Prongford] Let's say 3 a piece, that;'ll be a sum of six I make it....

Ravin tries to jump up and catch a branch and swing up to the Goblin, the branch snaps and he falls on his behind

[Blart] what ! 3 plus 3plus 3 for 3 is ....errrrrrr---2?

Prongford gets down off his horse....

[Blart] Ravin remember i rescued you from the circus no need to play the clown anymore

[Blart] Horse ??!!

[Prongford] Yes, big thing, four legs....

[Blart] where did you get that from?

[Blart] I knoW!!!

Blart snarls

[Prongford] From Sir Arascon the Knave, he had no need of it.

Ravin stands up and rubs his behind

[Blart] Oh .,.......you mean you killed him and stole it

Blart nods and looks satisfied

Prongford whispers to the others, "I can grab theGoblin or I can pay the fee, what say you?"

Blart gives a slow hand clap for Ravin

[Blart] CLAP:::::::::::CLAP::::::::::CLAP

Ravin gets out the purse he took from the HoodenOne?

[Prongford] Some say that, but I would beg to differ. But, he certainly had no need of it.

[Goblin] Thats 150 nicker. I will take 60 plus the horse...

[Blart] Bravo young Ravin...you fly like your namesake

[Goblin] looks tasty...

[Blart] Well I fed him poison yesterday

[Darksmoke] Ravin, the purse is full of teeth

Blart pats the horses bottom

[Darksmoke] The horse whinneys nervously and shies away a little.

[Ravin] Blart how much money do you have?

Blart does the white eared elephant impreesion as he pulls the pocket out and unzips his elven fly

[Ravin] Takes out a tooth and shows him, how much for this one?

Blart buttons his fly

[Goblin] Throw it up 'ere. Me glasses are ack in the hovel.

[Goblin] Throw it up 'ere. Me glasses are back in the hovel.

Goblin extends an open hand

[Darksmoke] The Ogres sit down on their respective arses and pick at their toes.

[Blart] hovel? hovel? you live in a hovel?

[Ravin] Blart you want the tooth or what?

[Goblin] Well, I'm strugglin' aint I?

[Goblin] Yeah, throw it up ere...

Prongford steps back from the elevated Goblin and holds the pike up, swaying back and forth...

Blart pulls out his trsty elven spear and approaches the orges

Ravin puts the pruse in a pocket

[Darksmoke] The Ogres eye Blart warily...

[Blart] Open wide so I can remove that lump of dwarf from between your teeth noce orge

Blart is a professional

[Darksmoke] "Back of felcher" Growls one of the Ogres.

[Darksmoke] "Back off, felcher!" Growls one of the Ogres.

[Blart] well really......

[Ravin] If only I had brought the S type field manual but you have to leave something behind, you know no ones does S types anymore they are like passay.

Blart looks insulted

[Ravin] What if I use a Q jemmy with some thing sticky it might work

Prongford bursts forwarded, placing the but of the pike in a grassy knoll, and pole vaults up to the Goblin...

[Blart] comecome now.......I'm not a monster you know

[Darksmoke] "Hey, BACK OFF prawny!" The Ogres stand up, hefting clubs.

Prongford scrabbles to stand up, then towers over the Goblin....now, that fee?

Blart to Ravin "get that door open Ravin the quick"

Goblin squeeeels and scrabbles away shrieking!

[Darksmoke] Grevious and Actual try and mash Blart up Real Good!

Prongford thrusts with the pike to trap the Goblin by his billowing skirt.....

[Ravin] But the Q could break no we need a hard one may be the T will do, but then we have the problem with the flang on the low anteria side .... hum triickly ....

Blart hops and runs like the wind for the nearest tree

[Blart] RUN AWAYY!!

[Ravin] What if I use one of these teeth, they might add to the frickion and let the key pin slide over the Whufle spring

[Blart] By the gods teeth .....Ravin ..distract these brute with your body willyou

Ravin turns and wondered where Blart went, see the two Orgers ....

Blart dodges about the clearing

Prongford misses theGoblin completely, and sways as he almost loses his balance, but manages to block the Goblin's exit behind a large stump....

[Darksmoke] Actual and Grevious scramble after Blart...

Ravin drops a smoke bomb and runs around the back of an orger and stabs it in the back

[Prongford] Now, Goblin, call off your minions or you've a big probl;em.

Prongford points the pike at the Goblin, careful to keep the butt pointing in the direction of the ogres...

Blart soils his breeches as he runs giving off a foul smell

Ravin jumps on the orger from behind and his dagger bits home, the orge is so shocked that it drops his club and runs off.

Blart climbs the rock to the Goblin muttering

Ravin drops to the ground, picks up the small pot fragements and put then is a small sack

Blart is grabbed by the orge but he squirms free being a slimey toad and all

Ravin flips his dagger at the back of the second orge

Blart jumps to the rock and scampers up

[Goblin] OK gents, no need for violence now, is there?

Goblin sweats and whimpers.

Blart reaches the top with soiled breeches and all

[Blart] WELL WELL WELL!!

Blart pulls out his tooth remover

Goblin tries to sicken you with contempt into releasing him.

[Blart] so ....

[Blart] wisdom teeth huh.....evil chuckle

Blart looks at prongy

[Blart] got come out right?

Prongford addresses the Goblin.....

[Ravin] As I was saying before I was rudly interuped, with the S type door there is sometimes in 85% of cases a second door just to the left which is not trapped, they normaly hide it in a false peice of wall

[Blart] What a pansy

Blart is revolted by the liitle Goblin toadie

[Blart] let her go!!!

Ravin looks for the concelled door

Goblin scampers away like a rat down a drainpipe into a small rocky hole....

Goblin dropped his flute!

Blart motions with his hand scoops the contents of his breeches out and throws them at the fleeing Goblin

[Prongford] I know you....are you not Screagol? My uncle knew you, you were once one of the River Goblins, but you have changed, you have consorted with the foul-breathed ogres. If you will guide us into this Pit, then we will protect you, you will be safe with us...

Blart listens

[Blart] good plan ......but but I'm not having a toadie like that with us .........we already have Ravin

[Blart] Ravin

Ravin looks and is confused for 2mins by a change in the rock colour, he does not seam not notice that it is a natural change

Blart shouts to the thiefy type

[Ravin] Hang on I am on to something here, she I was right, it's a Holworth S type afterall

Blart chitters like a chipmunk and scrambles down to the door

[Blart] A holworth S?

[Blart] Have you tried the handle?

Blart motions for prongY to join them

Prongford screams in frustration......

Goblin says from deep within his hole "Bugger off, and leave the key in the lock, otherwise you will get us both cursed!"

[Ravin] No don't touch the handle that is the first thing you learn and very basic mistake, I remeber poor young johnee on his first tomb did not make it past the second door. I still pass a tear for him every now and again.

[Darksmoke] In case anyone is wondering, Actual has slipped off quietly....

[Ravin] Hay looks at these, wow is that a anthrasit or may be a tigers eye. Guys get me my Jemmy class 3 we will have these out of there in two ticks of a cats back

Prongford , to Ravin, "cut the crap and open the door"

[Ravin] Look gems

[Ravin] Have you the keys yet?

Goblin says from far away inside the rock "You have me feckin' key! Now piss off and leave me alone!"

[Ravin] Pass the key down then.

Blart sneers

Ravin puts the key in a short wooden stick with a curve like end and then uses it to operate the lock

Ravin looks confused, he then goes over and looks at the club

Blart taps is clogged feet

[Blart] Hhhmmmmmmm whistle...hmmmmmmm

Ravin picks up the club and searchs it for hidden things

Prongford jumps down and picks up the flute....here we go.......

Prongford examines the flute....hmmmmm.......

Blart looks at Prongford.....and raise his one eyebrow

Prongford puts the flute in the keyhole....hmmmmm.....

[Blart] an idea you have hhhhhhhmmmmmm?

Ravin hits the door with the club

[Darksmoke] The doors swing open!

Blart sighs

[Blart] OH!

[Prongford] hmmmm.....interesting......

Prongford peers into the gloom....

[Darksmoke] [ooc notice stuff rolls please gents]

[Blart] very clever Ravin well done fo to the top of the class and then jump off

Blart sees in the darkness of mouths rather well

[Ravin] Well that was simple wasn't it. See S type doors went out of fashion because the keys are normally to big to carry in every day useage. A pest if you must know

Blart yawns and pats Ravin on his head

[Blart] wait aminute ? how tall are you Ravin??

Blart thinks "undercover hobbit?"

Ravin looks at the dentist with some iritation, "Why do you carry that box to stand on, would people not see you otherwise?"

Blart packs the stol away

[Blart] vain I? PAH

[Prongford] Say, Goblin, if you show us the way, we might return your key afterwards, what say you?

Blart lights the torch mounted on the front of his mirroe face shield

[Ravin] Shall I look for traps or are you too board Blart

[Blart] carry on Ravin

Goblin says from far away inside the rock "Piss off! What do ye take me fore, a moron like that Elf?! Leave the key or you'll get cursed!!"

Blart uses his shield searchlight

[Prongford] You said we'd all get cursed, no? So, you will be cvursed if we take the key, yes?

[Blart] its for dragons ....horridly daark in their mouths you know

[Blart] cursed ! hahahhah

Blart laughs evilly "we are already cursed small girlie one!!"

[Prongford] So, Goblin, what price will you pay for us not to bring this curse down upon us all?

[Darksmoke] There is, beyond the doors a wide room with a tall ceiling. There is a whole pile of garbage strewn all over the floor. Ravin points out some magical script across the threshold of the doorway...

Goblin says (distantly now) "You'll see!"

[Ravin] It's is unlikely that the flute is curse, but it might be best if we leave the club

[Prongford] So, Gang, perhaps the safest is to hide the key where it won't be found, hey?

Prongford strokes his horse's rump.

[Darksmoke] Horsey horse the horse whickers...

Goblin says (distantly now) "Why dont you just piss off you bunch of wankers!"

[Blart] What did he call us?

Ravin calls on cantrip secret of his profession and detect if the script is a trap

Blart picks his long thin nose

[Prongford] Bankers I think he said. Foulmouthed littlebeast.

[Darksmoke] Actual is trying to sneak up and steal Prongsford's horse....

Prongford points the butt of his pike at the ogre.....

[Prongford] Back off, monster

[Darksmoke] Actual slinks off, mumbling to himself.

[Ravin] Wow guys this is definately Magical script, hay do we have a Wizard or something?

Blart eats his boggie

[Blart] don't look at me

[Prongford] Let me just sort My Little Pony out.......

[Blart] my little what?

Blart sneers and laughs

Blart laughs cruelly to himself and then stops..

[Ravin] Sorry, your Pony?

[Blart] have you checked its teeth yet?

Prongford strokes the horse with his staff and covers it withhis cloak. After a few moments, he whips his cloak off to reveal....a Little Pony....!

[Prongford] Da daaaah!

[Prongford] Look, My Little Pony is now a pit pony.....

Blart looks surprized

[Prongford] Shall we hide the key somewhere outside, Gang?

[Blart] Well!

[Ravin] What a trick, now get us pasted this magical trap will you.

Blart gives a round of appalause

Ravin puts the club in a bush

Blart spist out his boogie and stuffs it in his right earhole

Prongford bows and produces some twigs from behind his back, then looks at them disconsolately....

Blart spits out his boogie and stuffs it in his right earhole

Prongford finds somehwere quite safe to hide the flute outside the doors.......

Prongford finds a stone on the path and places the flute carefully beneath it, stepping back and looking at it with satisfaction - there is only a little bit sticking out, but fortunately there is a bush obscuring the stone.....

Prongford walks into the pit and up to the strange writing.....

[Darksmoke] A line of characters carved and inked into the stone floor. It stretches across the doorway.

Blart sniffs the air

[Blart] did someone fart?

[Darksmoke] Finis